"The moment Colonel Sumner waltzed into the room and congratulated him on a job well done..."

Uh... yeah. I don't know. I really don't know what happened. This has my first sex scene ever. Okay, it's not really sex... and it's terrible.

Title: My Little Muffin
Fandom: Stargate: Atlantis
Character(s)/Pairing: McKay/Sheppard.
Rating: 18/Angry Pink Wombat
Genre: Fluffy/humor/sex? [No angst! GASP!]
Word Count: 1891
Notes: This is a follow up to the very funny humor fic, Not Now Muffin by FCOL. This refers to that story. Includes some bondage, only not really.

Summary: Sex staved aliens, muffins... another normal mission for the boys.



My Little Muffin

It was their first proper mission as a full team after what Sheppard privately thought of as “The Muffin Incident”. McKay had completely recovered from the slight concussion he had suffered and had finally been cleared for duty a day ago.

If Sheppard had had his way though, he would have had Dr. Beckett keep McKay under observation for just a little longer.

The day after “The Muffin Incident”, Ford had gleefully filled in the McKay about what he had said to Sheppard. Instead of going into a full blown panic attack, as Sheppard had predicted, McKay had simply made a little grunting noise and then he had carried on as if nothing had happened.

Which really wasn't fair – if Sheppard was obsessing over some delirious remark, why wasn't the king of neurotics as well?

And, to completely top it off, to add insult to injury, McKay was still being nice to him.

If he didn't know better, he would have thought he was back in that weird world of fog. He was quite tempted to put a bullet in someone just to make sure. The moment Colonel Sumner waltzed into the room and congratulated him on a job well done, he was going to seriously have a melt down.

Really, with those sorts of thoughts running through his head, who could blame him for being a little distracted?

It wasn't his fault that he was so good looking that aliens always wanted a piece of him. He was just irresistible and that's all there was to it.

But really, did he have to be tied up and gagged because some male alien had decided he wanted a little fun? Who would have thought that there was a planet out there in which bondage was the accepted – indeed the only – form of sex allowed?

And wasn't it typical that the alien was the leader and that he had waited until Teyla and Ford had returned to the jumper to give Dr. Weir a report before making his move. Which meant his only chance rested in Rodney McKay's hands.

He was doomed.

“Would you like to watch?” The leader, Geran, asked McKay. Sheppard turned bright red and wished he could voice his thoughts on that idea.

“I... uh... what?” McKay stammered, his eyes bulging slightly. Geran shrugged.

“It is normal among our people for pleasure to take place in public, so that all may benefit from it. While you are not of our people, neither is your friend and so you are welcome to watch.”

Shit. Shity shit shit shit. Sheppard thought, unable to form proper sentences. Not only was he going to get down and dirty with a complete stranger, but McKay was going to watch... McKay stepped forward, standing next to Sheppard, a scared yet resolved look on his face. If that look had been on anyone else's face Sheppard would have been seriously worried that the other person was going to offer himself in his place. At least McKay wasn't that self sacrificing. That still meant Sheppard was going to be the lucky one though...

“You can't, he is my little muffin!” McKay blurted out. To his left, Sheppard made an odd little choking sound, muffled by the gag in his mouth. McKay turned to look at him, a apologetic look on his face, though his eyes were glinting evilly.

“I'm sorry muffin, I know you don't like me saying that outside of the bedroom, but I thought Geran here ought to know.” McKay told him, actually having the nerve to place his hand on Sheppard's shoulder and pat it sympathetically. Sheppard glared at him, knowing that the effect was slightly hampered by the gag over his mouth.

McKay was enjoying this way too much. At least Ford and Teyla couldn't hear this, he would never hear the end of it otherwise. It had been bad enough when McKay had called him muffin while he was semi-concious but now?

“... little muffin?” Geran asked in confusion, looking at McKay.

“Yes. A muffin is uh, this sweet food, sort of like bread, sometimes with fruit in it.”

“Ah, we something similar, called a coea.” Geran leaned forward and pointed at one of the males standing near the back of the crowd. “In fact, I call Hemlin, my coea. But why is that a problem?”

“In our society you can only have one person with whom you give... cute little nicknames. To have more than one is considered... wrong. If you wish to trade with our society then you have to understand that uh, sleeping with the Major will be thought of as a great insult.” McKay said quickly, the words tumbling out of his mouth. Geran hesitated, torn between his obvious interest in Sheppard and the risk of insulting another society.

A great insult?? Sheppard thought with disgust, feeling insulted himself. If he could talk he would give McKay such a tongue lashing, that the man wouldn't be able to sit down for a week!

Okay, bad example. Bad, bad thoughts! Sheppard thought frantically, trying to banish the imagery that his thoughts had conjured up. He had never thought of McKay in that way before, never had reason to... though there had been that one time, with the hot sun and the dirt- No! Sheppard went back to banishing the bad thoughts.

“Your society would be insulted if I had one night of pleasure? I assure you, he would find it pleasurable himself...” Geran said, clearly leering at Sheppard who started to sweat heavily.

“I would be insulted. And I'm a very important figure in my society, a king like figure, almost a God in fact.” McKay blabbed, his eye twitching nervously and really, Sheppard thought, even lying badly, did he have to sound so damn smug? And hey, he would be insulted? Why was it everyone seemed to be insulted about the idea of Sheppard actually getting some?

Not that Sheppard wanted to have sex with Geran. He wanted to have sex with a nice woman... someone who was the exact opposite of Rodney in fact. And when did he start thinking of Rodney as Rodney? In fact, when did he start thinking of Rodney and sex in the same sentence?

Sadly, while his mind was trying to think of some nice female, his dick was taking notice of the words 'Rodney', 'sex' and 'pleasurable'. Geran seemed to have noticed this, his eyes fixed on Sheppard's groin. Rodney looked down as well, rolling his eyes.

“Your... mate does not seem opposed to the idea of a night with me instead of you.” Geran said, shooting Rodney a suspicious look.

Rodney huffed and stepped in front of Sheppard, an annoyed look in his eyes. He reached out and Sheppard's eyes widened in surprise as warm fingers slipped under his top. They trailed slowly down Sheppard's skin, tracing his hip bone. Then a finger slid down his pants, teasing away his boxes.

Sheppard gave a strangled moan and stumbled backwards, Rodney following him, a determined look in his eyes. His hand was now fully down Sheppard's boxers, fingernails just scraping the edge of Sheppard's dick. Sheppard tried to suck in as much air as he could – which wasn't very much at all, the gag still tied in place. While Rodney's hand seemed intent on exploring and touching every scarp of skin it could find, Rodney's mouth seemed just as intent on getting to know Sheppard's neck.

It was getting hard to breathe now as Sheppard flung back his head, his eyes going crossed eyed and really, who knew that Rodney was so good at this? Rodney nibbled and sucked, putting pressure on to Sheppard's neck, as his hand stared to slowly to rub along Sheppard's dick, causing so much wonderful friction that Sheppard's legs gave way and he fell to his knees, making Rodney stumble forward as well, loosing his grasp on Sheppard's neck.

Rodney blinked a few times, his breathing heavy before pulling his hand away and giving a small laugh of embarrassment.

“Satisfied Geran?”

“Very well. Would you like to fully pleasure him now?” Geran asked. “You may take my place in the ceremony.”

“Uh... sex... now... in front of you all?” Rodney stuttered, looking from the panting Sheppard to the group of men watching them. He stepped away from Sheppard, moving up to Geran and talking to him quietly. Sheppard watched him, his eyes narrowed, slightly worried.

The worry didn't fade when Rodney moved back towards him, a smug look on his face. He seemed to be almost swaggering and... was that a coil of rope in his hands? Sheppard swallowed heavily, panting hard behind his gag. Geran followed Rodney, his face unreadable.

Silently he moved behind Sheppard, while Rodney stood in front of him, fingering the rope. Sheppard tried not to panic as he felt Geran's hands on his tied arms. The other man's fingers ran along his arms, down to his wrists and suddenly he was being untied, the rope falling away from around his wrists. Before he could react however, Rodney had reached forward, taking his free hands and tightly tying them, this time placing them in front of Sheppard's body. The long coil of rope was long enough so that Rodney could use it as a leash.

“Muufe?” Sheppard asked. Rodney ignored him, gripping his end of the rope hard. He nodded at Geran and began to lead the way out of the village, giving Sheppard a not so gentle tug every now and then. Once they were a short distance from the village, Rodney paused and hesitated, looking around at the empty woods before leaning forward and pulling the gag from Sheppard's mouth.

“What the hell is going on McKay?” Sheppard snapped and honest, his voice was always that high, it was normal. Rodney glared at him.

“I managed to compromise with Geran. We have sex in private, back in Atlantis, but we do it following their laws. Not that you helped of course, couldn't you have kept your libido in control just once?” He snapped. Sheppard blinked at this, wondering just when Rodney had become the injured party.

“I...” Sheppard trailed off, not knowing what to say. How was he supposed to explain that he had gotten hard over Rodney. He frowned and shook his hands.

“Aren't you going to untie me?”

“No.” Rodney smirked. “They might be watching us, so let's keep going... muffin.” His voice took on a surgery sweet tone. “You can thank me later.”

“Thank you for what? For... for taking... such liberties?” Sheppard stuttered, knowing that he sounded like a lady from a cheap romance novel. Rodney raised an eyebrow.

“What was I supposed to do? Let Geran... look do you want me to turn round and take you back to him?” Rodney answered, putting his hands on his hips and giving Sheppard one of his more annoyed, angry looks.

“No... just... let's not tell anyone. Ever.” Sheppard pleaded. Rodney's lips tightened together and for a second Sheppard thought he saw a flicker of disappointment in his eyes.

“Fine.” Rodney answered shortly. They continued to walk, Rodney giving him tugs every so now and then. As they came into sight of the puddle jumper, Sheppard could have sworn that he heard Rodney mutter 'muffin' under his breath.